Eventually
by addictedtoscandal
Summary: A conversation that I think really needs to happen between Mellie and Fitz.


Mellie's POV

It's been nearly a month since Jerry's death. Somedays get easier, and others feel like a trek to the top of Mt. McKinley. We're both doing okay. I hate that word. Okay. But, it seems that's all we are. Okay. We're reliant on each other, which is something I'm grateful for. When I know he's having a tough day at the office and he needs a second away from the briefings and speeches, I'll take him a glass of scotch late at night in the oval and kiss him on the cheek before heading to bed. He'll smile at me when I do this. That gorgeous, half-crooked, smile that made me fall for him way back when. And when I'm having a rough morning, frustrated with my hair for no reason other than the fact that my son is dead and I cant seem to get my straightener to work, he'll walk over to me in the bathroom, steady my busy hands and kiss me on the forehead while unconsciously rubbing my back with one of his hands. So…we're doing okay.

It's late and I miss him. Jerry or Fitz? I just don't know. Both I guess. I hear Fitz crawl into bed around 2:00 a.m.. I roll over, facing him.

"Hey.""Hey, what are you doing awake?" He says softly.

"Couldn't sleep." I mumble.  
"You okay? Are you thinking about Jerry again?"  
"I'm always thinking about him, but, no. That's not what's bothering me tonight."  
"What is it, Mells?" He asks while facing me and throwing a hand over my waist. We cuddle now when we sleep. Not the cling to each other, can't live without you type of cuddling. It's softer than that. I'm just not surprised to wake up in the morning with his hand in my hair or softly rubbing my hip, and I sometimes lean into his chest when I need the comfort.  
"I miss you, Fitz." I say suddenly. I don't know what I was thinking, it just slipped out.  
"I'm right here." He says. Leaning into me more.  
"No. You don't get it. I miss you. I lost you. After the rape, I had to let you go because I couldn't deal with what I was feeling - I had to shut you out from that part of my life. And then you met her. And I don't blame you. Believe it or not, I'm happy you fell in love with Olivia. As your wife, I can't even begin to describe to you how hard it was to see you to cooing at one another all the time, but as someone who's loved you, I was happy you found her. She was there for you at a time when I couldn't be." I finish by taking a deep breath. That was a lot to get off of my chest.  
"Mellie.." he says.

"You don't have to say anything. I know that was a lot to take in. I just miss you…romantically. I miss my husband."  
He hesitates for a minute before looking me right in the eye, his arm firmly around my waist.

"I miss you too. I miss having you as my wife. I mean sure, there's a ring on your finger, but I miss being your best friend. I miss being able to kiss you whenever I want to. I miss the little things. I miss…" he hesitates for a moment, "I miss making love to you…" he says. I'm shocked to hear that last part. I never would of guessed he missed me sexually. I mean, he had a younger and very attract mistress for the last five years.  
"Really?" I question.  
"Yes, really." He says with a sideways grin that gives me butterflies.  
"I miss you too. Sexually, I mean…" I don't know why I'm so nervous to talk about this. He's my husband for goodness sakes.  
"We could try again. When you're ready. We've been through and discovered a lot together over this last month. I don't want to rush it. Not with you." He's being so soft and sensitive. This is the man I fell in love with. This is my husband.  
"Okay, I'd like that. Not right away, of course. You're right, we have been through a lot and it wouldn't be right to rush it…but I'd like to eventually, Fitz." I say with a smile.  
"Okay, honey. Eventually." He says, an equal grin on his face.  
He leans into me, our foreheads touching. Our lips are so close I can taste his breath.  
"Kiss me." I whisper, quietly. And he does. It's slow at first, and fluid. One of his hands makes its way to my face, the other firmly around my hips. He asks for entrance and I comply. Our tongues make their way into each others mouths and I can taste him. Gosh, I've missed this. I've missed him. We continue to make out like a couple of teenagers for another few minutes. Eventually, he pulls back, we're both nearly out of breath. That's the first time I've kissed my husband, and I mean really kissed my husband, in years.  
"Wow…"

"Yeah…wow." I repeat. "I forgot how good we were at that."  
"And just think, we haven't even gotten to the good part yet." He says, smiling from ear to ear.  
We both laugh, thinking of what it will be like when we finally cross that line together. Neither of us are ready tonight…but eventually.

"Eventually." I say.

"Eventually." He repeats.  
He kisses me one last time and I roll over so we're spooning. That night I fall asleep in the arms of the man I love.


End file.
